Denizens of the Netherlands, do not be alarmed!
by now your government has probably informed you of impending danger come April. As fate would have it, I am moving more or less into spitting distance of your borders at the end of March. But do not listen to the scaremongering of your leaders! This is in no way to facilitate an invasion of your wonderfully flat panzer-racingtrack of a country. It is merely to be closer to the Netherfolk that I have come to cherish over the years in the Legion (read: not a single one of you fucking cheeseheads).
Sillyness aside, I'm moving really close to Winterswijk at the end of the month. So if any of you fancy having a beer or seventeen, lemme know.
Your benevolent neighbour,
How Gunhead picks up women: I've got a knife and a penis...and one of them is going inside you.